


September's Children

by QuinntheEskimo



Series: Songfic Series [4]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, Homophobia, Loss, Love, M/M, Rise Against - Freeform, Songfic, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-22
Updated: 2013-02-22
Packaged: 2017-12-03 07:07:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/695568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuinntheEskimo/pseuds/QuinntheEskimo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bang, Bang on the closet walls, in the schoolhouse halls, the shotgun's loaded.. Sora refleects on the loss of the one boy he truly loves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	September's Children

I stand at the edge of the open grave, watching the coffin being laid in the earth. Why? For the love of God, why didn't he tell me? I can't help but wonder.

I keep blaming myself. Everybody keeps telling me I couldn't have known, but honestly. He was my best friend. And I didn't see. I didn't stop it. I should have seen.....

And I... I wanted to be more than his best friend. But I was too scared to say anything... and now he's gone forever.

His smile, his laugh, his aqua eyes... they're burned into my memory. I still cant believe I'll never see him again. Play with that silver hair again. Fantasize about kissing him... it's all over.

After everything we went through... why? Why couldn't I save him? I fall to my knees beside his grave, wanting to cry, but unable to. For some reason, I can't seem to let the tears fall.

He always seemed like he could handle anything. Like he would never let someone bring him down. But I guess... I guess everyone has their breaking point.

"Sora, come with me, honey. Its time to go."

I hear Kairi's words, but I cant seem to make myself move. After a moment, someone slides their hands underneath my arms, and pulls me up.

"Come on, Sora. You can't just stay here."

I hear his voice behind me, and I realize its Roxas who has lifted me up. I let him lead me away. Away from the hole in the ground. Away from what is left of the boy I loved.

He leads me to the car, where Namine waits. She sits beside me, and she holds my hand, but I cant seem to do anything but sit there.

"Sora..." Namine whispers. "it's going to be okay."

What an incredibly stupid thing to say.

Of course its not okay. It will never be okay again. Not now that Riku's dead.

* * *

Riku knew he was gay. He wasn't a flaming, fluttery homosexual, but he wasn't exactly hiding it, either. He had been waiting for the right time to tell his parents. Apparently, when he finally did, it wasn't the right time. His mother told him he was a disappointment. His father told him to leave and never come back. They decided that they had no son anymore.

But Riku didnt give up. he committed to surviving, to thriving, despite what hardships he faced. I...I admired him for that. for his bravery, his strength, his ability to thrive in terrible conditions.

  
but even the strongest can break.

He spent weeks couch surfing, unable to find a place that would take an eighteen year old high school student. He just didn't make enough at his part time job to pay rent anywhere. He finally wound up staying in a really crappy, cheap motel on the edge of town.

Riku knew what he was, and he wasn't ashamed. But once the kids at school found out... well, he'd always been on the outside. It just became one more thing for them to be cruel to him about. And I... I did nothing to stop it. Because I wanted so badly to fit in. I let them tear apart my best friend.

He called me. At 2 am, he called me and asked me to come over. But I had a test the next morning. I didn't go.

At 11 am, I got a call from his parents, telling me that housekeeping had found him, and he had slit his wrists. They had rushed him to the hospital, but he was dead before they got there. 

At school, they had a moment of silence in his honor. But right afterward, the gossips started in on tearing him apart. The things they said... Sora couldn't bear to hear them, their vicious, cruel words.

Oh, Riku... why didn't I go to you? Why did I just let this happen? Oh, god, Riku. I'm sorry.

"I'm so sorry, Riku..." Namine looks at me, as finally, the tears begin to fall.

* * *

It's been a month since Riku died. A month. I've been to his grave at least twice a week. I can't bear this. I don't want to live without him.

I sit on the ledge, eight stories up, right over a cement platform. If I let myself fall, I'll die. I sit there, working up the courage to push myself off the ledge.

Someone looks up. Screams. I realize it's Kairi.

Leave, Kairi. I don't want you to see this.

She keeps screaming for help, until people come out. They see me. Phones are pulled out. People stare.

I didn't want an audience for this.

Beside me I hear the window open. Roxas pokes his head out.

"Sora, please. Don't do this. Do you really think Riku wants this?"

In that moment.... thats when it hit me. This is exactly where Riku was, the night he called me. And unlike Riku, I had someone here beside me. I could be different.

Because Roxas is right. Riku would never want this. I have to live my life, not just for me, but for Riku now. Because to kill myself over him... that would dishonor his memory. And I cant do that to the man I love. Never.

I come in off the ledge. Roxas wraps me in a hug. "don't you ever consider doing something like that again. I already lost one friend. I can't lose two."

I can't argue with that.

I'll live my life. I wont hide in the closet anymore. I won't let my fear of being different prevent me from being who I am, or helping another in need, ever again. I will stand tall and proud.

For Riku. Always for Riku.

_Make this stop,_

_Let this end,_

_All these years pushed too the ledge._

_But proud I stand of who I am,_

_I plan to go on living._

**Author's Note:**

> This was written in a really dark time of my life, shortly after my best friend, a beautiful girl named Darien, commited suicide. this story is dedicated to her, and all the people out there who have lost someone they love.


End file.
